Lessons to My Older Self

Yo! You’re 34 now Suliyah!

Remember when you got in Uni at 19 with all the zeal of a freshman in the world and it all came crashing when: You had serious anxiety on your first test and couldn’t write for the first half of the time until the lecturer said ‘I5 minutes more’!

Your then boyfriend told you to your face that he liked your closest friend…I sometimes marvel at how large your heart is, so large you’re still very good friends with this guy that nearly ruined your early undergrad days… I hope you’re still as approachable to all ages and sizes as your younger self.? I Hope you still laugh so soulfully that others around join in the laughter even when they didn’t exactly hear the joke? I Hope you still have the mix of bossy & soft like that your patients told you while on psychiatry internship posting.? Would have asked if you are still keeping yourself first before any other person but, well, this is an older you & you probably have more selfless roles now than ever before so I’ll just ask that hope you’re taking time to be alone by yourself and recharge from all the love you give out on a daily? I hope you’re still very much journaling your thoughts and keeping a to – do book- you know these little changes helped you step into a new level of self-awareness starting mid 2020 & make things work managing the two full time jobs you hold as you write this letter. Ah, remembering how you couldn’t write anything on your Physiology 205 exam back then in Uni and how you were convinced after that what had just happened must be a dream and no way it would be real. Lots of ups and downs which all turned out an overall good when you look at it all together…

Dear, Suliyah, I’m really proud of your doggedness in getting yourself back and for real, I can’t wait to see what 34 will be like for you, that’s 10years from now. It’s going to be massive! Gosh! I can literally feel it! Having been a redirecting past year and a building moment in your life, I hope the following realizations stay with you for good. You’ve gone through a lot to come to these lessons to hold going forward in your life – Do not despise these things for anything. Hold them tight like a 3year old holds fast to her mother’s hands.  Of course, except a higher knowledge comes helping you to make adjustments for certain things.

I hope you’ve gotten grounded on staying off social media for the first hour of your day now to nourish your soul with God’s words & just write away in your journal. I hope you’re no longer on and off trying to get a balance on this. I hope you still write things down in your small booklet.  Never stop this, remember how much clarity it brought to your usually chaotic mind.

I hope you’re thanking God and seeing how that guy that rejected you only sent you right back into the one God ordained for you: the guy you are with now. I hope you thank God every day for answering your prayers and blessing you with this unbelievable man. I hope you didn’t compromise on him being a very honest soul that is willing and ready to grow by the day. I hope he’s so sweet, you can’t contain it. I hope he’s so calm & loving. I hope he laughs at your drama. I hope he understands your quirky humour. I hope you both laugh together like tomorrow will not come.

I hope you’re living everyday making life easier for your siblings, friends & acquaintances after you. I hope you are actively sharing your story with the world and making younger ones see possibilities through you just like older people’s stories helped open up your mind to unending possibilities that abound. I hope you have your newsletter community now & readers get 1% better for every time they read from you. I hope you’ve been sharing your mind with the world because, girl, it holds so much power that you know how much it blows even you away. God has blessed you with that mind, baby girl, use it to bless the world. You are who you are today because other  people shared theirs with the world too – so, share yours!

I hope you remember what happened when you set out on a goal to make your first million in the last quarter of 2020.  Only to get on track and realize that you had grossly underestimated the time it takes to learn, to sow before reaping. I hope this is a reminder for you on setting more realistic goals & expectations to avoid burning out and missing out the moment. I hope you learn from this to pace yourself with learning anything in life and know that it is only after learning you can actually reap the reward of having learnt. I hope you still think up situations ahead and decide how you want to deal with it before the time comes and when things go unexpected, I hope your writing pad or journal is the first thing you reach to clear your mind.

I hope you don’t call out people’s bad deeds or problems in systems when you don’t have any thought-out suggestions on how it can be better.  I hope you hold yourself together and only try to talk to people about something annoying they did when you can speak from a place of love and not from anger by what they did. I hope you’ve not picked up trolling back at internet bullies and using curse words as a way to cope with the sometimes-toxic internet space. I hope you’ve experienced the glass view of the waterfront on one side & city view on the other like you’ve always imagined. If not, I hope plans are well underway for that. I hope you’ve lived that beach front, cool breeze, clear mind, gratitude filled, working  remote life you’ve always dreamt of.

Suliyah, whatever challenge you encounter, just remember that girl you were. Who got in Uni wanting to shake mountains, prepared like crazy for the first test but was too consumed by anxiety to write until half the time was gone, that girl that stood in front of the class and stuttered so bad, classmates where laughing hard but still took up the speaking challenges at extracurriculars and then got better… That girl that stayed resilient making the best of uni despite all the odds…

I hope you’re in a saner clime that supports your worldview and gives you an outward supportive environment that complements the level of drive you put to life from within? Most importantly, I hope you are leading with your thoughts Suliyah.

And I hope you are still staying true to who you are and showing the world the mettle, you’re made of.

Lastly, I hope you’re still in the abundance mindset space where you’re firm that you’re going to have everything – Money, Love, Health, Career, Family, Spirituality – maybe not all at once. But in a well-balanced proportion. I hope reading this reminds you of Suliyah at 24 and you’re blown away by her. Stay learning so 44 can be even better. I love you to the moon & back!

One last thing, I’m super proud of you!

Your younger self,